Lethargy

For rea­sons unknown to even myself I have had trou­ble over the past few weeks find­ing the moti­va­tion to do my Uni home­work. This is bad. I know that. But aware­ness of a prob­lem is not a solu­tion.
It is easy enough to find a scape­goat, my approach­ing 29th birth­day… the feel­ing of com­plete­ly hav­ing wast­ed the last 20 years… the heart numb­ing lack of a sig­nif­i­cant oth­er… the feel­ing of liv­ing on bor­rowed time… but its not true.
The only per­son to blame is me. I know that. And yet still I can’t find the will to change.
There is an aspect of me that denys the world, and denys my need to be a part of the world. It seems that noth­ing can go so baddly that it will shock me into action.
Hmm… self reflec­tive, intro­spec­tive bull­shit.
Per­haps I just need a good shag.