The evil Next Byte

Back when I was working at NB we had these forms we had to fill in and read out our answers at the weekly tele-conference meeting with the upper management types. I think the idea was to let the upper level guys delude themselves into thinking they were playing an active part in the running of the company, while at the same time milking any ideas out of the staff for free rather than pay expensive consultants for ideas on how to improve things.

It was a joke, the staff never took it seriously, most of them would just rattle off the same answers they gave the week before. The whole time i was there I never once answered question 3, I wasn’t being paid enough to do everything else they wanted me to do, let alone suggest ways to improve anything. (for the record, my rates for corporate consulting are $150 per hour). And on top of all that, whenever anyone did try to make a suggestion, or worse, criticize the status quo, they would just get shouted down with reasons as to why that wouldn’t happen, with the ideas ever being given any thought. (Including things like “no, we wont do that, the staff will just have to work faster, rather than us trying to make things more efficient”.) Anyway… I was looking through some old paper work and found one of these forms I’d filled in one day with the answers I’d like to give, rather then the ones I always did.

  1. A positive outcome for myself and/or others.
    Piss farted about for a week.
  2. An outstanding individual or team effort.
    All the guys here for turning up late and leaving early every day this week.
  3. One sales growth idea!
    Sell stuff cheaper.
  4. How do you rate the customers view of naxt byte?
    The are happy because they don’t realise how much they are being screwed.
  5. Any competitor news?
    They do stuff worse than us, which makes up look good.
  6. My goal for the coming week!
    Be honest with the customers.