Author: David

He said: “You know your fuck­ing prob­lem is your self­ish!”
She replied: “Yeah, well, maybe, but that’s because that’s what I need.”

Last night I went to Salv’s place and had a BBQ, which was fun, any­way not to bore you with the details we end­ed up with Richard, Chris­t­ian, Salv, Glen and myself all play­ing “Scru­ples”. I feel rather sor­ry for Glen, hav­ing only that evening meet Richard and me. I also wor­ry that maybe he learnt a lot more about us than he had bar­gained for when he accept­ed Salv’s invite.

Why spinach?
Is it pos­si­ble to ever accept the inher­ent con­tra­dic­tion of human­i­ty?
Why can’t I remem­ber what my favorite col­or is?
Does the word ‘verlis­ter­ly’ exist for oth­er peo­ple or just for me?

I shuf­fle my deck of cards and pull three out, giv­ing me the fol­low­ing:
Card 1 reads: “get help”. Fine, but I wish it was a lit­tle more spe­cif­ic. Which of my prob­lems does it think I should seek for about? Is it refer­ring to the nev­er end­ing search for mean­ing and under­stand­ing in life. Or per­haps my friends who dri­ve me nuts but I love them any­way. Per­haps it is try­ing to guide my job hunt­ing efforts. It is ever pos­si­ble that its telling me how to find love. And where should I seek help? The whole point of con­sult­ing the cards was to get some help in the first place. Go fig­ure.
Card 2 reads: “open a draw­er”. Okay, that’s more like it a sim­ple instruc­tion, so I open a draw. There ain’t much of inter­est, most­ly its full of old audio tapes that I haven’t used for five or so years now. I keep mean­ing to lis­ten to what’s on them, sort them out and throw away the real­ly bad ones. The draw also has a hand full of unused con­doms which hold no spe­cif­ic mean­ing in them­selves. I won­der briefly what my mom makes of it when she’s spy­ing in my room. Ah well, be pre­pared (or some such trite).
Card 3 reads: “con­sult the news”. Hmmm. Well I would but I’m being bom­bard­ed with it enough at the moment to not need to go out and seek it.
Based I my the­o­ry that the oppor­tu­ni­ties of a life time would always hap­pen to me just after I give up or leave or are in some way not there to have the oppor­tu­ni­ty hap­pen to me at all I turn over the card on the top of the deck.
Card 4 read: “com­bine ele­ments”. Well duh. Still I’m not sure exact­ly how. I get the feel­ing I’m miss­ing some­thing. Again.

Hav­ing only ever lived in Syd­ney I am won­der­ing how one goes about mak­ing new friends when mov­ing to a new city, espe­cial­ly when you don’t know any­one local at all.

Peo­ple have loved and lost through­out all time, there have been painful breakups since the word romance was coined. But I’m sick and tired of hear­ing peo­ple that have been through such pain say­ing things like “It would have been bet­ter if I’d nev­er meet him” or “I would rather not have fall­en in love at all”. Well I say:
“Try liv­ing a life with­out love and then well talk!”

In the New Sci­en­tist Newslet­ter a lit­tle while back (18 August 2001) there was an inter­est­ing lit­tle arti­cle about pass­words.
“The com­put­er pass­word has become a kind of 21st Cen­tu­ry Rorschach inkblot test.” states the arti­cle, giv­ing four cat­e­gories in which you fall, “Fam­i­ly”, “Fan”, “Fan­ta­sist” and “Cryp­tics”.
I have about 40 dif­fer­ent pass­words for var­i­ous sys­tems and web­sites. I have at least one that falls into each of the cat­e­gories, most fall into the “Fan” cat­e­go­ry.

Every­ones talk­ing about it, every­ones watch­ing it. Per­haps this is because there is noth­ing we can do except talk and watch, we can’t help the wound­ed, most of us don’t know any­one that might have been killed, or even know some­one that knows some­one, and yet there is a feel­ing, a need to be a part of fix­ing this.
It renews my faith in human­i­ty to see almost the whole world come togeth­er as one in sym­pa­thy of those that are suf­fer­ing, and in sup­port of the need to defend lib­er­ty.
It is going to be inter­est­ing to see what the US does about this, I mean if your going to piss off the biggest, most pow­er­ful mil­i­tary machine on the plan­et then you’ve got to expect some some form of retal­i­a­tion. My feel­ing is that Amer­i­ca will want to make sure it is seen to respond and respond in a big way.
I know that there is a way for true good to come of this tragedy, what I don’t know is if that will hap­pen.

Well, the final results are that out of the 10 ses­sions I sat in on 8 of them. I knew there’d be a fair bit of sad stuff (what with AIDS and the gen­er­al prej­u­dices expe­ri­enced by gay peo­ple) but there was also a fair share of touch­ing moments and a few thought pro­vok­ing bits and even the occa­sion­al ele­ment that has me now seri­ous­ly re-exam­in­ing my life.
Noth­ing got less than 3 out of 5 on my score cards and there were a few 5’s too.
It was just what I need­ed a good bit of stim­u­la­tion to keep the neu­rons fir­ing.
Now all I’ve got to do is fig­ure out what to do next…

‘SHOW ME YOUR PIC’
Dir: Rob­bie Bald­win, Aus­tralia, 2001, Beta SP, 26 mins
(full house)
score: 5 out of 5
Per­haps this one was a lit­tle to close to the mark, but I’ve got to say it was well done and to the best of my con­sid­er­able knowl­edge is was very accu­rate.
‘WEBCAM BOYS’
Dirs: RADD, USA, 2001, Beta SP, 60 mins
(full house)
score: 3 out of 5
I’m still not sure if this was a doco, or just a big ad for some voyeur sites… per­haps it was both. Either way it is kind of inter­est­ing being in the voyeuris­tic audi­ence watch­ing some exabisonits talk about their lives infront of the cam­era and on the net.
For more infor­ma­tion about queer­DOC 2001 or Queer Screen.